Urukundo rukabije (excessive or obsessive love) rushobora kuvamo uburwayi bukomeye.

Urukundo rukabije (excessive or obsessive love) rushobora kuvamo uburwayi bukomeye, haba mu mitekerereze, mu mibanire, ndetse no mu mubiri. Dore uko bigenda n’uko byagenda bikabyara ibibazo bikomeye:

 

1. Urukundo rukabije ni uruhe?

Ni urukundo rurenze urugero, aho umuntu:

• Yimika uwo akunda nk’ikiruta byose ku isi
• Yumva atabaho adafite undi muntu
• Afatwa n’isabukuru y’ishyari, guhangayika, cyangwa kugirira undi impungenge zidasanzwe
• Akarangwa n’ubugenzuzi, kugenzura telefoni, kubuza undi ubwisanzure, n’ibindi

Uru rukundo rujya gusa na obsession cyangwa urukundo rufite ishingiro ku gutinya gutakaza uwo ukunda.

 

2. Ibyago n’indwara rushobora guteza:

 Mu mutwe (Mental health)

• Anxiety (guhangayika gakabije): umuntu ahora atekereza ko ashobora gutakaza uwo akunda.
• Depression (agahinda gakabije): iyo batandukanye cyangwa uwo akunda atitayeho uko abyifuza.
• Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD): indwara ituma umuntu akunda ku buryo budasanzwe, bigatuma ashaka kugenzura no gutegeka undi.
• Attachment Disorder: umuntu ahinduka umugaragu w’urukundo, akabura kwigenga no kwihagararaho.

 

Mu mubano (Relationship health)

• Kurenganya uwo ukunda, kumugirira ishyari ridafite impamvu.
• Gukoresha imbaraga, imvugo mbi cyangwa kumufungirana mu rukundo.
• Gutakaza inshuti n’umuryango kubera kwibanda ku muntu umwe gusa.
• Kugendera ku kintu cy’urukundo nk’isoko y’umunezero gusa, aho kubaka ubuzima burambye.

 Mu mubiri (Physical health)

• Umutima utera cyane, kotsa umutwe, gucika intege
• Guhindagurika k’umubiri n’imisemburo (stress hormones)
• Kunanirwa kurya, kuryama cyangwa gukora indi mirimo isanzwe

 

3. Uko warinda ko urukundo rukabije rukugiraho ingaruka mbi:

• Kugira ubuzima bwigenga: shaka umwanya wawe, inshuti, n’inyungu utari kumwe n’uwo ukunda.
• Kugisha inama: nko kuvugana n’umujyanama w’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe (psychologist)
• Kwiga ikinyabupfura mu rukundo: kumenya ko urukundo ni ugufatanya, si ugushyira umuntu hejuru y’ubuzima bwawe.
• Kumenya uko witwara mu gihe havutse ikibazo: kwirinda gukoresha imbaraga, kugenza cyangwa gukomeretsa

 

 

Urukundo ni rwiza, ariko iyo rurenze urugero rugatwarwa n’amarangamutima gusa, rushobora kuba inzira ijya mu burwayi. Urukundo ruzima ruba rufite:

• imbibi
• ubwisanzure
• kubahana
• gufatanya

Iyo utangiye kumva ko urukundo rutuma wiyibagirwa, wakwiriye kwitondera. Kugira uwo ukunda ntibikuraho ko ugomba kwiyitaho.

 

Urukundo rukabije (rurenze urugero) rushobora gutuma umuntu yica uwo akunda, iyo rutangiye gufata isura y’uburwayi bwo mu mutwe cyangwa igitutu cy’amarangamutima adafite umubare. Ibi bibaho mu bihe aho urukundo ruba rwarasimbutse imbibi, rugahinduka kwiharira, ishyari rikabije, no gutinya gutakaza umuntu, ku buryo umuntu atakibona undi nk’umukunzi, ahubwo amubonamo “umwihariko w’ukubaho kwe.”

 

 Impamvu nyamukuru zishobora gutuma umuntu yica uwo akunda:

1. Ishyari rikabije (Pathological jealousy)

Umuntu ashobora guhora yumva ko uwo akunda ashobora kumuca inyuma, kabone n’iyo nta bimenyetso bihari. Ibyo bituma atekereza ko kumwica ari bwo buryo bwo:

• kumwigarurira burundu
• cyangwa kugira ngo ataba uw’undi muntu.

 

2. Kwigarurira umuntu ku buryo bw’ubugome (Possessive love)

Urukundo rugendera ku mitekerereze yo kuvuga ngo:

“Niwanga kuba uwanjye, uzapfa.”
Ni urukundo rushaka kugenzura uwo ukunda ku buryo iyo amuretse cyangwa amwigobotoye, amwica nk’uko umuntu yangiza ikintu ke kirimo kumunanira.

 

3. Gutinya gutakaza (Fear of abandonment)

Hari abantu bahura n’uburwayi buzwi nka “abandonment trauma”, aho gutakaza umuntu biba bisa nko gutakaza agaciro k’ubuzima. Iyo bigeze aho, bamwe bafata icyemezo cyo kwica uwo bakundaga, nko guhagarika uburibwe batewe no gutandukana cyangwa gutabwa.

 

4. Uburwayi bwo mu mutwe (Mental illness)

• Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) (“Uburwayi bw’urukundo rukabije rutagira imbibi”
  cyangwa “Indwara y’urukundo rugira iherezo ribi kubera amarangamutima arengeje urugero”).
• Borderline Personality Disorder (“Uburwayi bwo kudahama ku myitwarire n’imibanire”, cyangwa “guhindagurika gukabije kw’imitekerereze, amarangamutima n’imibanire y’umuntu n’abandi”).
• Delusional jealousy (“Ishyari rishingiye ku bitekerezo bitari ukuri”, cyangwa
  “Ishyari ry’indwara – aho umuntu yibwira ko acibwa inyuma nubwo nta bimenyetso bifatika bihari.”).
• cyangwa Depression irimo ibitekerezo byo kwiyahura no kwica abandi
  Aha, urukundo rwabo ruba rwaratakaje isura y’urukundo, rukaba urupfu rugaragaye nk’amahoro.

 

Urugero mu buzima busanzwe:

Hari inkuru nyinshi zagiye zigaragara ku isi:

• Umuntu wica uwo bakundanaga nyuma yo gutandukana (crime of passion)
• Abicaga abakunzi babo kuko babonaga bagiye kubatererana
• Abicaga bavuga ko bari bagamije “kubakunda kugeza ku iherezo”

Ibi byose byerekana ukuntu urukundo rutaringaniye rushobora kuba intandaro y’urugomo no kwica.

 

 Icyitonderwa:

Kwica umuntu si urukundo. Iyo amarangamutima ageze aho arenga imbibi z’ubumuntu, agasaba ko uwo ukunda agomba gupfa ngo ubone ituze, icyo si urukundo, ni uburwayi, iterabwoba, n’icyaha.

 

inama:

• Menya imipaka y’amarangamutima yawe
• Witoze kwakira igihombo cyangwa gutandukana mu rukundo.
• Shaka ubufasha bw’inzobere (nk’abajyanama b’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe).
• Wige gukunda utisubiza inyuma cyangwa ngo uhonyore uburenganzira bw’undi

 

Urukundo nyarwo rutoza kubaha, kurekura, no kwemera impinduka.
Iyo utangiye gutekereza ko uwo ukunda atakibaho cyangwa ukibona umutima wawe ushaka kumuhutaza, uba ukeneye ubufasha atari urukundo, ni amarangamutima arwaye.